Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we're making bets on your personal life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I lost the right to judge tonight
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
