I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
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He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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