You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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