your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
