I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Panties = found
Randomize
