Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
