he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
