I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
