Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Found the puke drawer
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
