You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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