I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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