Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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