The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
