you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
