I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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