i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
