there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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