She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
