Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
