well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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