She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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