I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
