I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
