i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
