Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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