gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
