My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
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We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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