Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize