quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
