I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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