So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
