How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
