Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
