he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
