that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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