I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am available for nakedness
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
