I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
