lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
