Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
