I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize