I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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