real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Are we in a gay sports bar?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
