dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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