I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
