You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
