I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
