do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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