new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
