I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
