Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
