Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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