Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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