I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My feet surprised me
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