There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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