I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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