So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
