Midget sex pt 2 tonight
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
