His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
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