just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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