my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
