I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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