She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
