booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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