So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
