I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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