Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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