The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
