Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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