if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
