It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
