Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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