Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
