she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
