I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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