you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
