just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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