Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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