Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pants are for mortals
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
