forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
