Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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