True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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