Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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