She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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